I don't think two people should divorce unless one violates the oaths sworn to the other, aka, to cheat. Unless he cheats, I don't think you should divorce.. You made that promise. It may be hard now, but you made that promise, and it wasn't just during the good times, but also the bad. Try talking to a marriage counselor, and try talking to him about all this. Tell him that you really want to be the best wife possible, but he needs to do his part as well. I don't know what kind of married man turns down sex, but that just don't sound right to me. Like I said. Marriage counselor. Stay together. Do your best, ask him to. If he continues being this way, I'm sorry, but I'm just gonna have to tell you to stick it out, even though it will cause you a lot of pain. Try cooking him something really nice, or something. Do a lot of really nice things that he likes, and see if you can revive the relationship. You made the promise, now it's time to stick to it.Plz i need some help with this question it is serious and i know someone out therewill benice enough to answer?
WTF?!?
i didnt even finish it but he dont sound very nicee,
18+3= 21 but ok.
Talk about it with him. If that fails, divorce the son of a gun. In the end it is your life and you probably shouldn't hand it off to strangers like me for advice.
Tell him if he doesn't change you'll walk; tell him that you loved the person he used to be, not the monster that he's turning in to. My mum did this, she spent years in a relationship with an abusive husband, now she has no life of her own because all she knows is cleaning and looking after others- she has no time for herself, in a way she's a great woman. But she's lost all sense of personality.
Maybe go and see a marriage counseller, if he's willing to co-operate.
Also for the bedroom side of things, buy some nice underwear and other stuff, or wonder round the house naked. Just turn him on and make him see you as attractive again.
like you said you were both young. to be honest it sounds like he may already be cheating on you. IF you want to save the marriage (if he wants to save the marriage) i STRONGLY suggest that you get some counseling, either with a professional counselor, clergy, Young people that try to solve these things on their own without help and no prior relationships don't have the tools to cope with these things on their own and need help. there is NO weakness in asking for help the weakness is in being afraid to ask.
I recommend you get a job and make your own money and try to be a little more independant. Either he will support this idea or not. If not then maybe its time to move on, It sounds like he is the controlling type and if you dont like being controlled then maybe its time to think about dating someone else. If you lasted 3 yrs with him it sounds like you know each other really well and know how to work out problems, hopefully he will support your getting a job.
This marriage needs serious help. You must get professional help. If it didn't work, then you might proceed to the next step which is divorce. But for now stick to marriage counseling first.
oh man first of all if i was you i wouldnt sighn any papers stating that. it's obviously not going to work out between the two of you so prepare your self now. he's using mental abuse against you that's not cool. i understand he's your first love and all but trust and believe there are many other guys out there that will treat you right and you can develope feelings for them just as well. he's already looking else where so if he hasnt cheated on you yet it wont be long before he does sorry sounds so cold but im keeping it real with you. no woman should have to be in a abusive relationship!guys put on a front then once they have you were they want you they feel like they have control and can do what ever they want and it can possibly get worse he can become physical abusive.your still young and have your whole life ahead of you take control of your life now before it's to late!!!this guy is not good for you.
i think you should have the divorce papers ready. so then he'll be like ';i want a divorce'; and u can say ';nope! i wanted it first'; even if u dont.
(also, please use some puncuation,)
i think u need to talk to close friends and family members about it and stuff-so they can help u out and make u feel better.
your anger and sadness is completly understandable, things like this happen in marriages all the time, and things will better them selves, even if its not with him.
you have a whole life ahead of u, enjoy it and dont let him get in your way of living your life how u want it.
it wud piss me off if he was talking about other girls, and theres soooo many more guys out there too, even though it may hurt, getting a divroce may not end up being so bad, especially since u dont have children.
find a better guy that will treat u way better, bcuz marriage is a serious thing, and being young and getting married may not have been the best idea, but it doesnt matter anymore-and were all human and make these mistakes especially wen we're young.
in the end, this decision will be up to u, and do the best for YOU. hopefully everything goes well. (:
Your story is an example of the reason why marriage at a young age don't usually last that long, all infatuation, no thought on level of commitment. Do you guys even imagine what it takes for marriage to work? Yeah, we fall in what we call love, when there's always that person for you to cuddle, make love, be there for things for things we can and cannot control, but at the end of the day, it's not all about infatuation, it's about companionship. Name one time this guy went out of his way to do something for you that was a major sacrifice of him. Love is not a an emotion or instant gratification, those can result from love, but it's often abused when we place our hearts on that more than being able to love regardless of anger, jealousy, hurt, or any other negative emotion you can find, and on top of that, it's a life long journey. Love is for your heart 100% of the time, and 50% from your heart. Because your heart can be deceitful above all things(Jeremiah 17:9). And when all else fails, you can give your spouse to someone that can give 100% regardless of emotion and that's God. I wouldn't divorce just yet, because that can extremely painful, I'm not going into details on that, but you have to believe me. I think you two need marriage counseling, and to take the time to map out the importance of your relationship.
Ok first the paper he is telling you, you will have to sign....is known as a prenuptial agreement, which is supposed to be filled out and agreed upon before you were married not after. Trust me I have been married twice! Secondly there is no such paper like that after you have been married, meaning you are entitled to 50% of everything he owns as per most state laws (though you might want to check this with an lawyer in your area).
As for some of the other things you mentioned......I don't know your situation fully and won't pretend too. Normally if he is accusing you of cheating then he probably is cheating or perhaps thinking of cheating, if he hasn't done so already. Further money is the killer of most relationships and my first question would be ';Are the billings getting paid?'; If you answer no then I personally would wonder where the money is going.....hence going back to the cheating thing again. On the other hand too if your bills are higher then what his take home pay is then he is probably feeling pretty trapped into the relationship, even without cheating on you! I have been in your boat my first wife and I married just a year and half after high school. As far as his clothing to him his clothing is comfy, plain and simple, and if he refuses to buy new clothing then he may be looking at it in two ways, first clothing is expensive, and bills might be coming first. Or secondly he is feeling like you are nagging him about it. Again it sounds like money is a larger issue here (as was with my experience), in all you have a couple of choices...you could get a job yourself, or consider perhaps that he is the sole supporter of your family, in which case he is going to have to realize that will have to make a serious choice on being with you or not. If you get divorced and I assume there is no children involved then you can't take him for child support, not that, that is an answer either. If there is children involved then you will have to get a job as well to support them and yourself, in most cases. Either way you will have to consider getting a job and supporting yourself.
As far as the making love part....stress plays hell on any relationship. If he is in a ';high stress'; job, or perhaps coming home to constant nagging (again just making an assumption and nothing personal meant towards you personally) then perhaps he isn't able to perform. Think of it like if you were with somebody who belittled you all the time (like telling you, you are fat or ugly), would you really want to have sex with them anyhow? Probably not! In a guy's mind if you are harping on him about how he dresses then most likely he isn't feeling to wonderful about himself either! In short there is a lot of dynamics in a relationship that are sadly all interconnected, and by looking at just one doesn't mean you can fix everything.
No comments:
Post a Comment