How does my story sound to you?

The music pounded in my ears as I made my way through the crowd. The crowd was mixed with posers, goths, freaks, nobodies, preps, and other people who banged their heads to the aggressive music coming from onstage. Among those people I was considered to be with the nobodies. I used to have fair blond hair, but every since I met Chelsea, a girl who moved here last summer, I dyed my natural locks black. I didn’t like the stares people gave me as I passed by them, mainly because I’m self-conscious and don’t really like how their eyes peer through my skin. It bothered me. I continued walking through the crowd, finally stopping at my destination. The bathroom. I didn’t go to the bathroom to pee. I went there because I wanted to buy something. Most of the dealers who went to gigs here in this small town, sold their goods in the bathroom. I was ready to get rid of this feeling inside me. I hated that people saw my sadness and called me emo, when emo wasn’t even what people saw it these days. I could see a dark figure silhouetted beside the bathroom stalls which were written on by various people.



“Um,” My fingers trembled. “Do you deal?” I asked the tall girl with spiky blue hair.



She nodded and told me to step into one of the stalls with her. I walked into the dimmed stall and pulled out wads of cash. I had managed to save at least fifty dollars and borrowed thirty from Chelsea. Since we were going to share the Ecstasy I was going to buy, I didn’t have to pay her back.



“How many?” The girl asked.



I stood there, sweat dripping down my neck. How many did I need to experience a good high? I counted how many I could buy in my head. The pills were $10 dollars each. I wasn’t good at math, but I knew how many I could get.



“Can you hook me up with eight pills?” I handed her the eighty dollars in my hand.



She nodded and pulled out a plastic baggie filled with colorful pills. She handed me eight of them. I slid out the stall and looked back at the scrawny, pale girl who had sold me E. She looked older than me and I felt a sudden pang in my stomach. What was I doing? I ignored it and continued toward the blurry mirrors. I stared at my reflection for a moment then took three of the pills from the baggie. They rested imperceptibly in the palm of my opened hand. I looked at them for a minute, filled with anticipation and then popped them into my mouth and swallowed hard. I truly had no idea what I would experience next, and frankly I was doubtful that I would feel anything from the drug. In my naive mind, I saw myself as being somehow above it all and untouchable. I was soon to discover how deeply wrong this thought was.



Tell me your opinion. Any help is appreciated :)How does my story sound to you?
its interesting...i was wonderin wht pills wud those b....good..simple...coolHow does my story sound to you?
it's not amazing but it's good, the story is good just a few gramatical errors but i have hundreds of those all the time hha. it makes you want to read on, especially at the end when she says that her thought was wrong because you think omg what's happened.



also you feel how the character feels, and you made it all realistic, the people, her choices, the way she hesitates etc.



veryy good, keep it up!!!!!!!!!

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