a year ago our daughter left her my space page on my computer when she was using it in my office for ';homework';...well, her pics she had on there showed he smoking pot...we did all the punishment type things, but i wanted to get her into counseling as she confided to us that she has been smoking pot since she was 12...(she spends many weekends at her grandparents, so we unfortunately do not have watch on her 24/7)...our daughter threw a fit at the mention of therapy, and my wife sided with her and made me out to be a bad guy for mentioning it...in fact, i was not happy with the lack of punishment that our kid received in the light of not getting help...her grades are very poor, and her attitude is very, very bad....i have suspected she is still on pot, and who knows what else...i even found pictures she had drawn on the kitchen table that fell out of her back pack of pot leaves, magic mushrooms, and sayings like ';high for life'; and ';4:20 all the time';...i ask her about it and of course somehow i become the bad guy to my wife and her for asking if she was doing drugs...she said she just likes to draw that stuff...our daughters cell phone was not working, so the other day i fixed it and it got back to working...i wanted to look at her phone pics, because she took a bunch of pics of us at a family get together...the very first pic i see of her on the phone are of her holding a joint...a pretty fat one at that!...i show my wife, and we have a talk with our kid...her excuse was that it was not a joint, but a cigarette that he and her cousin found in a pack...i said, ';cigarettes have filters, there is no filter on this';...she said that the cigarette broke...wow...i don't do drugs, but i know the difference from a marijuana joint and a cigarette...i told her that she should not even be smoking cigarettes...i asked her when the pics were taken...she told me about a week ago...well, at least my wife agreed to this-we went to the drugstore and had her take a pee test from a kit...she did pass it, but i am more apt to believe the pic could be older than a week and the pot is just out of her system?...also, i do know damn well that many other drugs get out of the system much faster such as the magic mushrooms she draws...well, my wife and daughter hug each other and start crying...the daughter crying that we don't trust her, and my wife apologizing and saying how happy she is that our kid is not on drugs...of course i am made out the bad guy again!!!...i just sat there in amazement...i see my daughter going down a bad path of doing drugs, getting failing grades, and getting away with even the most outlandish lies and cover ups...there are so many more things that this girl of ours has done...it scares me that she is so young and acting like this already...how do i get my wife to stop putting her head in the sand and take this stuff seriously?...how am i supposed to be in this household with no real say so?...i feel we need to get some control over our daughter, or she will end up leading a pretty bad life coming up into her high school years...How do i get my wife to stop putting her head in the sand about our 14 year old daughters drug use?...?
Tell her to start putting it in my crotchHow do i get my wife to stop putting her head in the sand about our 14 year old daughters drug use?...?
Take matters into your hands and get her some help. You're obliged to raise her up to be a useful part of society. Your wife is an adult and should do the same, if she won't do it anyway.
Your a god damn trip fool. dont you understand you need to make it so she doesnt feel she has to lie too you. i hate telling my parents i dont smoke its rediculous. i shouldnt have to hide it cuz really unless your a ***** idiot weed doesnt make you stupid. and weed takes a month to leave your system u suspisious fluker
Explain to your wife that she's not doing your daughter any favors by pretending this isn't an issue. I'm sure your wife wants to believe that every thing's OK and that your daughter is drug free and being the sweet little girl she's projecting to your wife, but you have PROOF otherwise. To ignore the issue is the same as saying it's OK.
As for the drug test...if your daughter isn't an avid user, the pot can be out of her system in three days or less.
Only someone that smokes pot on a regular basis would come up positive after a week.
Ok so here's the deal. I feel that you are handling things properly. The part that makes things extremely messed up is that your wife is not backing you. You guys are a team and if you disagree y'all should discuss it away from your daughter. Kids are smart and can pick up on which parent will give in and which won't and play to that advantage. So I feel the best thing is for the poor grades and mouthiness of your daughter y'all should look into a private school or boarding school of some sort. Limit the stay at her grandparents house take phones away, cut off social life. This is going to cause some crap for sure.
At least she's come clean about using which is very good means she's some what honest for sure. Also try your best to listen to your daughter and don't push at her because this will only cause rebellion. Kids are going to smoke pot. Now I would say if her grades weren't suffering I wouldn't worry to much but apparently her social life is affecting her grades so you really need to figure something out there. I think that private school or boarding school is your best way out. There's really no right or wrong way to handle this, so all you can do is do your best.
Your wife: Well I think you need to really sit down and talk with her in a calm fashion about your concerns and should really put and emphasis on the grades. You guys have got to work together and your not going to see eye to eye on everything but at least maybe you can come to an agreement that will satisfy both of you. Keep the disagreeing separate from your daughters ears, that is a must.
I hope this helps and good luck.
I'm with u on this problem. It sounds like the girl keep on telling lies and mom keeps on believing them. The best thing you can do is to watch her close and catch her high then pop a drug test on her. GO thru her things, shes your daughter and she is the one that has broken the trust she is talking about so you have the right to do so. Friends are the no. 1 source of young girls doing drugs so keep an eye on the friends and talk to their parents if need be. catch them all. that is the only way you can put an end to her lying and your wife believing it. I've been thru this with two sons and believe me you are headed for hell if you don't get a handle on this now. good luck!
First of all she does sound like the type that takes/will takes drugs and she is fascainated by them being cool and wathever I doubt she will stop unless she grows out of it
My advice is she needs lerning about drugs take her to see some crack smack or meth addicts ask her after are drugs cool I can feel your frustration but in the end of the day it will be her decision
Your wife sounds like she so indenial
If u wife won't do it, u do it yourself.
Your her father, you have every right.
You aren't the bad one. Your wife really wants to protect her seemingly sweet and innocent baby but it isn't helping anyone. She needs to know this and your daughter needs to know that you still love her and want her well. You need your wife on your side before you can make any progress. Show her your question and she will see how much this has affected you. Trust me, your in the right. Dont blame yourself for anything that your wife and daughter are doing.
I'm an 18 year old girl and would hope my dad would do the same for me. She needs to come off the drugs.
wow. i'm truly sorry aite. at 12? my parents would have buried me alive. be her friend, she coulb be an addict, get her rehab. be a good dad. if i was here that's what i want my dad to do. she needs help. she probably has bad friends or alot of problems. move elsewhere. start afresh. take heavy actions.
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thats i tough one i am in the same boat wth my 15 yo son and i put him in drug class and he passed all his pee tests but he admited he was using there bodies are young and flush thngs quicker then ours do.. you are doing the right thing whether your wife wants to think so or not. i am 37 now and was accused of doing drugs before i ever did so i just told myself if im gonna get acused then why not do and i got into some really messed up stuff and i still struggle today with my addiction but i was doing the same thing your daughter was doing with the drawngs and sayings.. if shes not doing them yet then i would say she wants too and your wife needs to understand that acting like its not going on or thats its not gonna happen is nieve on her part and you are dong the right thing stick to your guns with this ITS HER LIFE YOU ARE TRYING TO SAVE good luck
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