I need help with this situation. i fear for this little girl!?

i have custody of my niece (1 1/2 years). well we went to court and i am mandated to let her go see her mother (my SIL) every other weekend. They said that the fact that she has a job and her own apartment now proves that she is trying and they want to give her a chance.

anyways i have let her go over for 3 weekends now. when i pick her up on sunday night she is dirty and usually wearing the exact same clothes i dropped her off in on friday!

when i go to get her she runs to me all excited and happy, and her mom gets mad at her and smacks her on the hand and then turns around and gets mad at ME because she says that i am ';putting things in her head'; and that i ';need to quit acting like her mom because i am not';.

like i said she come home filthy everytime. i pack her nice clean clothes and plenty of diapers, and when i go to get her, all the clothes are still in the case, and maybe 5 or 6 diapers have been used. (5 or 6 diapers in 3 days!!)

i ask wat she has eaten, only to find that in the 3 days she has only been given water and some fruit snacks the ENTIRE day. except for at dinner when she gets a lunchable!

when i got this little girl she was very afraid of all males, and still refuses to let my hubby see her naked....she cries and screams when he tries to change her diaper. there is suspected molestation, and when i went to pick her up on sunday the person who is suspected was there! he is my SIL's boyfriend.

i have contacted my lawyers and social services, but idk what to do. there is no way in HELL i will let that poor baby go back there anymore, i dont care if i get in trouble i really dont!

the dirtiness is one thing, but the not feeding her and having her around that man is simply UNACCEPTABLE!!

they said they will ';look into it'; and investigate, but since there is no physical sugns of abuse, it is really my word against hers. i simply REFUSE to send her back.

how much trouble am i going to get in?

i dunno what to do, someone please help us!I need help with this situation. i fear for this little girl!?
dont let her go back there, and when they file a suit against you then you can place your case



i dont think the parents will because i dont believe they careI need help with this situation. i fear for this little girl!?
I don't know what you should ';legally'; do, but if it was me, in your situation - there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY, NO HOW I would send that child back there. I would go to jail before I sent a child I was responsible for into a dangerous household. Someone has to stand up for that child. Be her voice. Good luck!
record everything take pictures of her to show how dirty she was. take pictures of what you pack and how you pack it before she leaves then take pictures again when she comes back. the best thing you can do is record everything it helps. I had to win custody of my daughter and that's what i did because it is proof.



Good luck!

hope you get full custody!
I saw something like this on tv..The mom and dad got divorced,the dad was molesting the little girl but there was no evidence.She didn't send the little girl for a long time,but eventually the dad called the police,and the mom either had to start sending the daughter for the weekend,or go to jail.She eventually sent the little girl for the weekend,because if she didn't,she would be in jail,and while she was in there,the dad would have the child.It's just something to think about.Good luck.
I would definitely document everything take pics of everything.. before she goes over there and when she comes back make sure the date is on the picture so you will have proof. other then that I don't know what to tell you.. but just keep in mind that if you don't do what the orders say then you might go to jail and that little girl needs you more then anything right now... good luck and I hope everything will work in your favor
You need a lawyer, keep a diary of each time she comes back to you and something is wrong.
I wish so bad that you could adopt her : /



I guess you just need to find some way to get 'evidence' that they are not taking good care of her. Take pictures of how filthy she is when you get her back from them.. take a video of the bag when you dropped her off (like right before you bring it inside) and show it how many diapers there are and then do the same thing right when you pick her up (make sure the video shows you coming out of the house so they know you didn't rig it) and take pictures of anything else that isn't right.. just think of anything you can do to get PROOF because I know how it is with them.. they can't really do anything until they have any. maybe secretly record her saying she only fed her a few things.. If you get enough stuff they will probably give her to you.. Good luck.
documentation, documentation, documentation. Keep a journal, keep pictures. Have more than just you there when the child is dropped off and picked up for eye witness account. Make it a different person everyday and add friends instead of family. Complain complain complain. Document every time you make a complaint. Go and make a formal complaint to CPS suspected abuse complaints. Get a temp restriction on the visitations. You have custody you are her mom. Her mom gave her rights up when she didnt put that baby first. Fight like heck but legally. Find out what will happen to you if you dont let her go, because if you get in trouble where is she going to go after that? Back to her mom most likely. You are her only hope.
For your niece's sake, do comply with the court's orders -- don't jeopardize your custody of her. Keep working with the lawyers and social workers.
As Ally said, take pictures. Get proof. Perhaps ask a Social Worker to see the girl before you drop her off and again when you pick her up. The more proof you have, the better your case against them.



Good luck.



ETA: And I agree with the others that you have to do this legally. The last thing you want is to lose custody.
do not ignore the court order.. because you will end up getting in more trouble than she will.. in my state, (pa) you can file for emergency custody and get all of her rights taken away.. in your case that would be the visits.. and if that doesnt happen, call the police and make a report every time you pick her up.. for neglect, and for physical and mental abuse (she should not be smacking a 1 yr old for being happy to see the person who cares for her.. thats teaching the child to trust noone).. and let them know about the suspected molestation.. also take before and after pictures when you drop her off and pick her up and show that shes dirty and unchanged.. document what they fed her.. and call child services every single time to report whats happening.. if you keep up and dont give up, hopefully she will get charged with child endangerment..i know in a situation like that you just want to hide her away from all of the chaos, but if you obey the law and report every sign of abuse, they will see you have her best interest in mind and not the birth mother.. its just a shame you have to put her through it again just so the system can believe whats happening.. its sick and sad because these losers do not understand what this is going to do to the child in the long run.. the last thing they should want is for their children to grow up and become a person like themselves. but most people like that are selfish and stupid and have no idea how to care about another human being.. soo sad
I am VERY VERY shocked that social services aren't taking this serious....pictures, videos, anything of proof will help...I mean, it really is your word against hers....that poor poor child, I can't imagine how she will grow up with a mother like that in her life! It will emotionally damage her. The government will arrest you if you do not comply with the orders of the court...it's techincally kidnapping if you keep the child from her mother. I would hire a private investigator to get into this woman's life....catch her in the act..doing something that a mother shouldn't be doing..whether at a bar, doing drunks....anything! You can try the approach to the mother... sort of a reverse phsycology...like ';Why do you want this child anyway? It's just a burrden to you and your life, why don't you enjoy it without a child in it, think of all the money you'll save and the freedom you'll have without having to take care of a child';.....make her NOT want the little girl...you know? and hopefully she will give up her rights as a mother...what does your husband think... (brother of this woman, correct?) ...get him on your side...have him sit down with his sister and talk about the options...good luck though, no child deserves that kind of life...it makes me sick. I hope things work out and the government actually does some good for once...Take care.
Take a picture of her before she goes over and then once you pick her up...there is some evidence for them right there!



If you feel that it is still unsafe for her to be there, then keep contacting everyone and say that she is still unfit to be a mom. Just because she has a job and an apartment does not mean she is ready to be a mom!
If you don't let her go back its only going to make things worse. You will lose custody and if you go to jail think of how that effects your child. Just keep at it with a lawyer and with social services. Is there anything saying this guy isnt allowed around her? If so call the cops. If not there isn't much you can do about it sadly. I would also warn her mother you have contacted the case worker and your lawyer in regards to her neglect of the child. Maybe knowing she might lose her rights will smarten her up.



edit: like others have said...take pictures and if you can get hold of one...tape record your conversation with her when you pick her up. Ask what she ate all weekend. Ask why she is in the same clothing you dropped her off in. Hide it in a coat pocket and just ask her questions...try and get the proof on tape.
This is a very difficult situation to be in. It sounds like you are already doing everything you can do. You can not be any good to the child if you are in jail. If you fight this and are sent to jail for not complying with the visitation order, who will take care of your niece during this time? I think you should see about getting the child in to see a child psychologist. They are very good at determining if there has been any abuse. Talk with your lawyer about supervised visits for the mother. What is your lawyer saying that you should do? This is a bit extreme, but is there any way to set up video cameras, maybe put one on the bag that you send with your niece when she goes over there? If any abuse is caught on video tape then a court certainly wouldn't allow her to go over there again. Unfortunately this puts your niece at risk of being abused yet again, and that isn't the best solution either. You can always take pictures of EVERYTHING. Take pictures before and after visits. I think if I were in this situation I'd find out for sure what will happen if you don't send her to the mother's house. Ask your lawyer what will happen. Ask social services what will happen. Ask them about supervised visits or maybe an unexpected drop-in while the child is there. I hope this situation can be resolved in a way that works best for all parties involved, especially for this little girl. It seems as though our system fails us sometimes and it is extremely frustrating.

tried in district courts

Why would he try to start a relationship now?

Okay I am a junior in high school. My ';potential boyfriend'; Is a senior. We started talking about a month ago and we both know how one another feels. We really like eachother alot. And all that pre-reationship stuff. It seems like he really wants something serious, but in 2 months he's leaving for college which is 3 hours away. Why would he start something? He's going to be surrounded by girls there and will probebly forget about me, he said that he could never, because I'm too special to him, but I know that his eyes will be trawn to the older girls at university. He's the closest I've ever gotten to a guy, I don't think a real realtionship could develop while someone is away. And I do want to spend the last two months with him, but I am not going to give up everything, (first kiss, first boyfriend, first anything really) when it doesn't seem like this will go anywhere. What should I do? I do Plan to tell him everything I've said on here, what doyou think his reaction will be? Help???Why would he try to start a relationship now?
He seems to be not serious with you, Pl leave him as you have another priorities in life. Best wishesWhy would he try to start a relationship now?
He likes you but he may be using you. Let him go.
Don't do it darl. Just wait it out. If he's serious you'll see it after he moves. Wait the two moths, you can remain friends but don't give anything up for him, it's unlikely he'll make the effort once he leaves and you'll be left behind hurt and regretful. Then if he surprises you and does follow you up once he leaves you haven't lost anything either. You don;t have to be nasty or hurtful to him, just say you want to remain friends and get to know each other properly. The best relationships begin with a strong friendship anyway. His reaction may be to deny him leaving will change anything but if he truly believes that he'll respect your decision to wait it out.
um no

How to deal with messy/lazy housemates?

I live with 3 people (2 female, 1 male). I'm 24, the girls are 24 and 27 respectively, and the other male is 36 (engaged to the 24 year old). Now that all that is out of the way... My housemates are complete lazy slobs. There is no other way to describe them. In fact I don't know where to begin. The engaged couple don't work. They essentially lay around on the couch all day and night watching TV, living off welfare. Through sheer persistence I have managed to get them to do their dishes (because they make a lot of them), but I haven't managed to get the 27 year old to do that yet. Other than their dishes, they literally do NOTHING. This is made so much more painful by the fact that the majority of mess comes from them, because they're around the house all day (I know they just lay on the couch all day, which is mine, and now broken from wear, because I work from home). In fact all the furniture in the house is mine, because I am the only one on the lease (they couldn't find a place because they're both unemployed). To make it worse, I have a dog, a labrador, who is an outside dog. The 24 year old also has a dog, and when she moved in, we agreed that he would be allowed inside to sleep at night (but only in their room). Whenever I leave the house and return later, I find him inside, so they're waiting for me to leave to do this. I have brought it up several times, but what can I do? They sneak him in. The bathroom is so disgusting that I think it is possibly dangerous. Our toilet even had fungus growing because I refused to clean it. They are so lazy that they NEVER take their finished toilet rolls out of the toilet (which is probably the thing that bothers me the most). In the 6 months that they have been here, they have vacuumed once (between the three of them), which only happened because they threw a party and (for some reason) poured sand all over the table, which ended up on the carpet, and after two weeks of literally yelling (as the sand was continually being trampled into the carpet), I managed to get them to vacuum (poorly, as it was). To be honest, I have only scratched the surface of their lazy/messy habits, but I could have my own 6 part novel series if I was to detail them all.



I will list what I have tried (and what has subsequently failed):



1. Chore list (fail).

2. Lead by example (fail).

3. Refuse to clean anything (extra special fail, as they chose to follow my example this time, and the place became toxic).

4. Yelling (fail, with exception of one time).

5. Subtle hints, such as leaving the vacuum cleaner in an obvious position (fail).

6. Obvious hints, such as saying ';it's your turn to vacuum, please do it this week'; (fail).

7. Move out (fail, I moved out, and within 2 months they were evicted from their own place, and begged to move into mine, because they were rejected everywhere else - unemployed factor).



If I haven't tried anything that you would consider worthwhile, please let me know :-)



Also, I should have mentioned, the 24 year old is my best friend, and I completely love her, in spite of her lifestyle. I often think that we're 100% compatible as friends, and 0% compatible as housemates. Nonetheless, I don't want to abandon her, but I also don't want to be her father. Are there any non-demeaning ways to 'train' housemates??



I should also mention that while they are basically off the spectrum when it comes to tidiness, I am probably off the polar end of the spectrum. I like my house clean. I am particularly fussy about recycling, and forced, weekly, to sift through the bin pulling out paper/recyclable material. It is frustrating, because I could not have made it simpler to recycle, there is a large open box for paper/recycle, and there is a bin beside it. How lazy do you have to be to put paper in the bin in this scenario? I should also have mentioned, that not only do I work, I also study, and so I am busy enough as it is, even in finding time to clean up my own mess, let alone cleaning up after three people, two of whom are sitting on the couch all day and night.



Sorry, there is a lot of rage happening because I found a fresh coffee stain on the carpet that I had steam cleaned less than a week ago... ironically I had the carpet steam cleaned (at my expense) because they spilled almost a litre of coffee on the light coloured carpet, and I couldn't get it out myself.



Wow, I do almost have my 6 part novel. I'm a rambler...



Thanks guys.How to deal with messy/lazy housemates?
sorry just couldn't read all of it but have one simple answer ';move'; life is too short for all this ...Good luck....the sooner you move the better! pleaseHow to deal with messy/lazy housemates?
I couldn't read it all either, but maybe you could try, at first, getting the engaged couple a job.

Threaten if they don't start pulling their weight they'll have to leave...

or just try and get used to it. It's all you really can do...
well i did read it all

and i too am VERY anal when it comes to my home %26amp; surroundings

i could not have put up with any of that never mind all



you are asking for help

and i will tell you the only way to solve this

but, sorry, its no magic wand, and you wont want to hear it



decide what you value more, your sanity or your friendship?

you have tried everything reasonably possible

and they have taken advantage of your generosity



ask your self this, had this not been your best friend, what course of action would you have taken?

i know they left before, but by having them back you are now enabling their behaviour, both their dirty slovenly habits, and their lazy attitude towards working and bettering themselves

as long as they live with you they have no incentives to do anything but be slobs



sorry, but for your own sanity, and your friendship, you have no choice

you need to sit them down and tell them you are giving them 30 days notice

DO NOT back down under promises

the age they are, they should never live like this, they are going to be like this for always

and drag you down with them, in fact they already have



30 days notice

and then you take time to get YOUR home back to its former clean %26amp; tranquil glory



and let these ';people'; fend for themselves
i did read it all and as poor house keepers as they are you are equally a bad decision maker



7. Move out (fail, I moved out, and within 2 months they were evicted from their own place, and begged to move into mine, because they were rejected everywhere else - unemployed factor)



TOO BAD, TOO SAD - grow up and get your own place or sleep under a bridge



repeat this one and this time correct your behavior + DO NOT let them move back in under any circumstances



it doesn't matter that the 24 y/o female is your friend - you are enabling her = STOP IT = if she is truly your friend she will understand your need for cleanliness and respect your wishes and come and visit you on Sunday afternoons for tea



since they are such welfare recipients turn them in to the agencies that they are collecting from = the agencies would love to know that they are being ripped off



ooohhh and ask for reimbursements for the damages done to your personal property while you are at it - that will reinforce that your are serious about them getting out - TODAY since they have the time to lounge around they have the time to move out
JUST TELL THEM
Move out, or evict them from your property. I know it would be hard doing it to a friend, but I couldn't stand living in those sort of conditions.

Am i consider a communist?

There is a new stereotype in the vietnamese community in the united states that if you go to vietnam and marry a girl, you're considered a communist or a fan of communism. I'm not a fan of communist in Vietnam because my father fought with americans during the war. I'm only getting married this way because i have no luck with girls, no girls like me. People threatened me that If I bring my wife over here they will burn my house down. They said I should go work for the communists and slaughter people if I'm going to get married with a girl from Vietnam. How come they say i'm a communist ?? Do you consider me a communist ??Am i consider a communist?
That's sillyAm i consider a communist?
Of course not; that is absurd.

Am i consider a communist?

There is a new stereotype in the vietnamese community in the united states that if you go to vietnam and marry a girl, you're considered a communist or a fan of communism. I'm not a fan of communist in Vietnam because my father fought with americans during the war. I'm only getting married this way because i have no luck with girls, no girls like me. People threatened me that If I bring my wife over here they will burn my house down. They said I should go work for the communists and slaughter people if I'm going to get married with a girl from Vietnam. How come they say i'm a communist ?? Do you consider me a communist ??Am i consider a communist?
People there need to get a dictionary and read some history on Communism.Am i consider a communist?
Think about it. You marry a girl who was born and raised in a Communist country. What kind of ideals do you think are instilled in her? Of course, Communist ones. So of course she's a Communist. And if you marry her and pop out little Communist babies, then what are the chances that people are going to regard you as anything but that? What's worse than a Communist is a materialistic, dollar-hungry Commie who married someone that ';no other girls in America likes';. If you do this, you are contributing to the cheapening of the American nation. If people don't burn your house down, I'm sure the Commie girl will eventually find some other way to do so (i.e., adultery, divorce).
NO, YOU ARE CONSIDERED A TROLL!

Let me know where this ';imaginary'; fiancee lives. I have the perfect wedding gift for her,,,A bottle of Drano and a shot glass. It'll be way less painful than marrying a TROLL!
Geeze where do you live?

Stay away from those crazy people. No you are not a communist. You are marrying a woman from a country where communism still exist, what does that have to do with communism?

Who cares what other peoples say. They are just angry with Vietnam that's all. What's past is past and we should try to let go of the past.

They did that to their own country anyways, not us!!!



Edit: They might think that you are a communist because you are taking someone from another country lol!!!

My parents will not let me express myself......?

I am a 15 year old boy, and all my life I have known on the inside that I was supposed to be a girl. I recently decided that I and should ';come out the closet';. Which was no surprise to them. I talk and look like a girl, Most places I go where no one knows me, they think I am a girl. My parents tell me that they think it is just a faze, and they want let me buy the clothes I want, and wear make up. It makes me happy, shouldn't that be most important, i'm not saying that I want a sex change right now, or anything. My mom keeps saying to wait till i'm 18, to be who i want. Like what i want to do is illegal or something, please give me some advice on how to deal with this, or how to get them to let me.My parents will not let me express myself......?
You need to find a way to comprimise. As long as you live with them they have control over your life and you need to respect their rules. Maybe ask your parents if you can see a counselor that specializes in gender identity. That would give you an outlet and someone unbiased to talk to.My parents will not let me express myself......?
your parents are wise in suggesting you wait. First problem you will encounter is a legal one. Child advocacy groups may sue your parents or try to have them charged for cruelty or other crimes perpertrated on a minor if the sex change was completed whilst you are under age. Note your parents are legally responsibly for you until you are of age. The second problem is one of growth. Whilst your body is femine in nature it may change significantly in the next few years as you undergo the largest growth spurt of your life to reduce the need for a change. While unlikely it is possible. Also your attitude may also change as you mature and decide to live as you are. again unlikely but not inconceivable. As you mature you develop emotions and ideals which differ from those of children. It is hard living in a body you feel you don't belong in but you may change as you mature. If at 18 you still feel the same way then go for it and know no one has the legal power to stop you . good luck and I hope life works out for you. Ps gender changing to a woman will render you infertile unless you were lucky enough to be born with ovaries. '; unless you extract sperm from the testes which if not removed are inserted up into your body inside the pelvic bone.
Man, I think a lot of guys envy you because you can get in touch with the woman inside. Expanding on this, understanding and emulating admirable behaviors from others is a pretty cool way to act. Becoming very familiar with objects in your environment, drinking them into your cognition, etc., is also a healthy thing to do. It's probably all coping, for the sake of identifying with yourself. If it is, at least one unhealthy behavior you have to consider is possible fantasizing. Your parents are messing up by not weeding these things out, but they aren't experts. Let's look past blame, now-- And you know, they probably aren't rich, they probably aren't only considering your happiness (even though they are definitely considering it, even in situations where it appears that they are giving other considerations more weight)....



';You'll grow out of it,'; is a cliche. How can we expound, to give you the closure, clarity, skills and behaviors necessary to overcome this challenge? If your parents aren't able to give you these things, you'll need to find a way to develop them, yourself. The primary thing to develop is the latter: the skill or behaviors to overcome. But clarity or understanding is an essential step in the process, and closure becomes possible as you develop the skills or or behaviors (we'll just say behaviors) and learn to display them dynamically and interactively. Perhaps it comes down to being able to work within the bounds of any rule set. Can you experience the same satisfaction and interest in an environment where makeup and womens clothing is not available? Can you figure out how to? Are there going to be situations in your chosen career path where you will need to? ';You'll grow out of it.'; Maybe they think that other men feel this way, and that it has a purpose but isn't something to base your life on? Or that because it's a coping thing, you are just struggling, somehow, and you'll stop struggling, someday? Hey, I'm not sure. I think that you have a better intuition for what your parents meant when they said those words. Someone is going to need to be mature enough to change.... Is it going to be you?



A sex change operation is pretty invasive, and if it's possible to look beyond the physical in yourself, you'd be a lot happier than if you altered it. There are a lot of women out there who don't like their bodies, for very long times. Feels like it comes down to something inside. Can you like yourself, naturally? You might hate me for assuming that you don't, but maybe you can see how I would misconstrue it as that, seeing as how you are talking about how people cut themselves up just to look different? You feel like someone you are not. Maybe you need to experience yourself? I can tell you from a lot of experience: self esteem is intimately woven into self experience. If you can become very comfortable with yourself and your body, your self esteem will jump to levels you never imagined it could have.

make up for skin tone

lot of oil refined

How likely is a girl to get pregnant under these circumstances?

My friend is freaking out, she had sex with her boyfriend 2 days after her period and her boyfriends condom broke, but only a little precome got inside.

is she likely to be pregnant ? we're not really sure how the whole '' egg '' thing works, lol.How likely is a girl to get pregnant under these circumstances?
Anytime you have sex you can become pregnant.



Most women ovulate 10 - 14 days from the day they start their period and sperm can hang out waiting on an egg for 72+ hours (5 days at most)



There is sperm in pre-ejaculation, that can also get you pregnant.



Once an egg and sperm meet up it takes your egg another 4 - 10 days to find your uterus and implant into your uterine wall. Once this happens it tells your body you are pregnant and starts to create HcG hormones. The hormones double in size every 48 - 72 hours. The hormones bring on symptoms.



Unfortunately PMS and early pregnancy symptoms are virtually the same. A missed period is your first clue to take a test.



Odd of your friend getting pregnant.. about 2%.



When accidents happen with Plan A (the condom) there is always Plan B, the Morning after pill AKA Plan B pill.



If she misses her period she needs to test. Keep in mind that stress, change in diet, weight loss or gain can delay a period.How likely is a girl to get pregnant under these circumstances?
Its a good time of the month to have sex to get pregnant.



Having said that, most people don't get pregnant on the first month they try for whatever reason. There's no way we can really tell you the likelihood.
Sorry to be blunt, but if you're not sure how the whole ';egg'; thing works, then maybe you shouldn't be having sex in the first place.