anyways i have let her go over for 3 weekends now. when i pick her up on sunday night she is dirty and usually wearing the exact same clothes i dropped her off in on friday!
when i go to get her she runs to me all excited and happy, and her mom gets mad at her and smacks her on the hand and then turns around and gets mad at ME because she says that i am ';putting things in her head'; and that i ';need to quit acting like her mom because i am not';.
like i said she come home filthy everytime. i pack her nice clean clothes and plenty of diapers, and when i go to get her, all the clothes are still in the case, and maybe 5 or 6 diapers have been used. (5 or 6 diapers in 3 days!!)
i ask wat she has eaten, only to find that in the 3 days she has only been given water and some fruit snacks the ENTIRE day. except for at dinner when she gets a lunchable!
when i got this little girl she was very afraid of all males, and still refuses to let my hubby see her naked....she cries and screams when he tries to change her diaper. there is suspected molestation, and when i went to pick her up on sunday the person who is suspected was there! he is my SIL's boyfriend.
i have contacted my lawyers and social services, but idk what to do. there is no way in HELL i will let that poor baby go back there anymore, i dont care if i get in trouble i really dont!
the dirtiness is one thing, but the not feeding her and having her around that man is simply UNACCEPTABLE!!
they said they will ';look into it'; and investigate, but since there is no physical sugns of abuse, it is really my word against hers. i simply REFUSE to send her back.
how much trouble am i going to get in?
i dunno what to do, someone please help us!I need help with this situation. i fear for this little girl!?
dont let her go back there, and when they file a suit against you then you can place your case
i dont think the parents will because i dont believe they careI need help with this situation. i fear for this little girl!?
I don't know what you should ';legally'; do, but if it was me, in your situation - there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY, NO HOW I would send that child back there. I would go to jail before I sent a child I was responsible for into a dangerous household. Someone has to stand up for that child. Be her voice. Good luck!
record everything take pictures of her to show how dirty she was. take pictures of what you pack and how you pack it before she leaves then take pictures again when she comes back. the best thing you can do is record everything it helps. I had to win custody of my daughter and that's what i did because it is proof.
Good luck!
hope you get full custody!
I saw something like this on tv..The mom and dad got divorced,the dad was molesting the little girl but there was no evidence.She didn't send the little girl for a long time,but eventually the dad called the police,and the mom either had to start sending the daughter for the weekend,or go to jail.She eventually sent the little girl for the weekend,because if she didn't,she would be in jail,and while she was in there,the dad would have the child.It's just something to think about.Good luck.
I would definitely document everything take pics of everything.. before she goes over there and when she comes back make sure the date is on the picture so you will have proof. other then that I don't know what to tell you.. but just keep in mind that if you don't do what the orders say then you might go to jail and that little girl needs you more then anything right now... good luck and I hope everything will work in your favor
You need a lawyer, keep a diary of each time she comes back to you and something is wrong.
I wish so bad that you could adopt her : /
I guess you just need to find some way to get 'evidence' that they are not taking good care of her. Take pictures of how filthy she is when you get her back from them.. take a video of the bag when you dropped her off (like right before you bring it inside) and show it how many diapers there are and then do the same thing right when you pick her up (make sure the video shows you coming out of the house so they know you didn't rig it) and take pictures of anything else that isn't right.. just think of anything you can do to get PROOF because I know how it is with them.. they can't really do anything until they have any. maybe secretly record her saying she only fed her a few things.. If you get enough stuff they will probably give her to you.. Good luck.
documentation, documentation, documentation. Keep a journal, keep pictures. Have more than just you there when the child is dropped off and picked up for eye witness account. Make it a different person everyday and add friends instead of family. Complain complain complain. Document every time you make a complaint. Go and make a formal complaint to CPS suspected abuse complaints. Get a temp restriction on the visitations. You have custody you are her mom. Her mom gave her rights up when she didnt put that baby first. Fight like heck but legally. Find out what will happen to you if you dont let her go, because if you get in trouble where is she going to go after that? Back to her mom most likely. You are her only hope.
For your niece's sake, do comply with the court's orders -- don't jeopardize your custody of her. Keep working with the lawyers and social workers.
As Ally said, take pictures. Get proof. Perhaps ask a Social Worker to see the girl before you drop her off and again when you pick her up. The more proof you have, the better your case against them.
Good luck.
ETA: And I agree with the others that you have to do this legally. The last thing you want is to lose custody.
do not ignore the court order.. because you will end up getting in more trouble than she will.. in my state, (pa) you can file for emergency custody and get all of her rights taken away.. in your case that would be the visits.. and if that doesnt happen, call the police and make a report every time you pick her up.. for neglect, and for physical and mental abuse (she should not be smacking a 1 yr old for being happy to see the person who cares for her.. thats teaching the child to trust noone).. and let them know about the suspected molestation.. also take before and after pictures when you drop her off and pick her up and show that shes dirty and unchanged.. document what they fed her.. and call child services every single time to report whats happening.. if you keep up and dont give up, hopefully she will get charged with child endangerment..i know in a situation like that you just want to hide her away from all of the chaos, but if you obey the law and report every sign of abuse, they will see you have her best interest in mind and not the birth mother.. its just a shame you have to put her through it again just so the system can believe whats happening.. its sick and sad because these losers do not understand what this is going to do to the child in the long run.. the last thing they should want is for their children to grow up and become a person like themselves. but most people like that are selfish and stupid and have no idea how to care about another human being.. soo sad
I am VERY VERY shocked that social services aren't taking this serious....pictures, videos, anything of proof will help...I mean, it really is your word against hers....that poor poor child, I can't imagine how she will grow up with a mother like that in her life! It will emotionally damage her. The government will arrest you if you do not comply with the orders of the court...it's techincally kidnapping if you keep the child from her mother. I would hire a private investigator to get into this woman's life....catch her in the act..doing something that a mother shouldn't be doing..whether at a bar, doing drunks....anything! You can try the approach to the mother... sort of a reverse phsycology...like ';Why do you want this child anyway? It's just a burrden to you and your life, why don't you enjoy it without a child in it, think of all the money you'll save and the freedom you'll have without having to take care of a child';.....make her NOT want the little girl...you know? and hopefully she will give up her rights as a mother...what does your husband think... (brother of this woman, correct?) ...get him on your side...have him sit down with his sister and talk about the options...good luck though, no child deserves that kind of life...it makes me sick. I hope things work out and the government actually does some good for once...Take care.
Take a picture of her before she goes over and then once you pick her up...there is some evidence for them right there!
If you feel that it is still unsafe for her to be there, then keep contacting everyone and say that she is still unfit to be a mom. Just because she has a job and an apartment does not mean she is ready to be a mom!
If you don't let her go back its only going to make things worse. You will lose custody and if you go to jail think of how that effects your child. Just keep at it with a lawyer and with social services. Is there anything saying this guy isnt allowed around her? If so call the cops. If not there isn't much you can do about it sadly. I would also warn her mother you have contacted the case worker and your lawyer in regards to her neglect of the child. Maybe knowing she might lose her rights will smarten her up.
edit: like others have said...take pictures and if you can get hold of one...tape record your conversation with her when you pick her up. Ask what she ate all weekend. Ask why she is in the same clothing you dropped her off in. Hide it in a coat pocket and just ask her questions...try and get the proof on tape.
This is a very difficult situation to be in. It sounds like you are already doing everything you can do. You can not be any good to the child if you are in jail. If you fight this and are sent to jail for not complying with the visitation order, who will take care of your niece during this time? I think you should see about getting the child in to see a child psychologist. They are very good at determining if there has been any abuse. Talk with your lawyer about supervised visits for the mother. What is your lawyer saying that you should do? This is a bit extreme, but is there any way to set up video cameras, maybe put one on the bag that you send with your niece when she goes over there? If any abuse is caught on video tape then a court certainly wouldn't allow her to go over there again. Unfortunately this puts your niece at risk of being abused yet again, and that isn't the best solution either. You can always take pictures of EVERYTHING. Take pictures before and after visits. I think if I were in this situation I'd find out for sure what will happen if you don't send her to the mother's house. Ask your lawyer what will happen. Ask social services what will happen. Ask them about supervised visits or maybe an unexpected drop-in while the child is there. I hope this situation can be resolved in a way that works best for all parties involved, especially for this little girl. It seems as though our system fails us sometimes and it is extremely frustrating.
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